Anyare August

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Ang bilis ng mga bwan, shet! Nanjan na naman yung memes ni Jose Mari Chan na sumisilip! ๐Ÿคฃย What a bad luck that I’m spending the start of “Ghost month” at home nursing my injured right knee. Naaksidente na naman kasi ako sa volleyball nung isang gabi, the first one was on my left knee on 2016 at the same court. ๐Ÿ˜” Sucks that I’m posting about this first instead of my recent birthday.

Ganito kasi nangyari – nag-set si Paul sakin for a middle spike, I ran and jumped from behind tapos pag-land ko sa floor, rinig na rinig ko yung pag-crack ng tuhod ko, feeling ko nga it was loud enough for everyone to hear, pero parang ako lang yung nakarinig. Tapos napahiga na ako sa sahig tightly holding my knee up on my chest, wincing from the sharp pain. Thoughts running in my mind were, “shet ano na namang nangyari saken?,” “nabalian ba ako ng buto?,” “muka akong tanga dito.” It took a while bago nila mapansin na I was still lying on floor, saka nila ako pinagkumpulan sa gitna, walang tumutulong saken for a couple of seconds, they were all just staring at me. Siguro di din nila alam ang gagawin. Pero in fairness dito sa volleyball ah, ang takaw sa aksidente within just half of the year. I heard someone said “tawag na kayo ng medical.” Hanggang sa tinulungan na nila ako to calmly breathe, lie on my back and straighten up my leg. After nun unti-unti nang nag-subside yung pain. “yey, sick leave,” I thought. ๐Ÿ˜…ย I remembered being conscious pa sa facial expresson ko kasi alam kong lahat sila nakatingin saken.

Inalalayan ako nila Sam and sir Alvin sa court side to rest, saka dumating si nurse Pat para lagyan ako ng benda at ice pack. The whole time I was hesitating kung magli-leave ba ako the following days kasi sobrang daming rushed drawings sa team namin, also because the pain was becoming tolerable (and I didn’t like that because half of me wants to take a leave anyways). Gulo noh?

I took a Grab going home for P490 (di ako maka-get-over, ang mahal). Salamat nga pala kanila Che at Franz sa pag-alalay at paghatid sakin sa sakayan. Pagdating sa bahay, pumapak na naman ako ng bare-baretang chocolates. Hanggat meron talaga sa harapan ko, di ko tinatantanan e, kaya fucked up sugar level ko lately. Dala na din siguro ng stress at lungkot (wow).

Woke up in the morning at 5:30am without an alarm. Malamig at umuulan. Galing ng body clock ko, pero pinulikat naman yung left leg ko, tangena. Kaninang umaga pinakamasakit yung injury ko and I was really struggling to walk, kaya naman guilt-free na akong nag-text kanila sir Raf/Mike na di ako makakapasok. Sabi ko nga kanila Che nung gabing yun kelangan sumakit to e, kasi magi-guilty lang ako buong araw. Though I took a leave, I decided to still work on my loads. Nahihiya na din talaga kasi ako kay sir Mike. Kelangan na yung drawings sa site! Aaaghhh! Feeling ko ambagal-bagal ng team namin, di kasi kami ni sir Raf nag-oot on weekdays unlike some teams (but I would on weekends). Karapatan rin naman namin yun.

Pakiramdam ko college ako ulit while doing drawings at home. Pero tangina, di ko alam kung anong nangyayare pero parang nagloloko lahat. First of all, etong cp ko. Ambagaaal! I’ve bought this on June 2016. Bili na ba ako? Parang burat na burat na sya sa dami ng files & data. Yung pics naman I try to transfer once in a while. Ano ba yang mga cookie na yan?! (charot, alam ko yun)

2nd, my Gmail. Ayaw na nya maka-receive at maka-send! Full memory na daw. Kelangan ko na daw mag-avail ng additional storage. Hassle! I’ve been using my Gmail since college, pero organized ako sa email. Di ako yung hinahayaan na may 2,368 unopened messages, and I delete if I don’t need them anymore including the ones on trash. Categorized pa yung saken, including subscriptions. Yung mga ka-batch ko jan sa gmail, ni-require na din ba kayo magdagdag ng storage?

3rd, wtf is wrong with you Yahoo Mail? Bakit everytime na maglo-log ako kelangan pa ng sms verification? Ang hassle pa when I’m on mobile kasi kapag iche-check ko na yung text message code, mawawala na yung original login page so panibagong text message code na naman, tapos mawawala na naman yung login page so it’s a fucking cycle that I’ll never get through!

4th, hirap na hirap yung laptop namin with its free AutoCAD 2010. Ang bagal! I don’t know, I didn’t have so much time to upgrade & clean all its shit. Gone are the days na eto pinakamalakas among my college mates’ laptops.

Puro konsumisyon. Thankfully, na-send ko this Friday yung drawing na ginagawa ko kahit papano. Pinilit ko na lang ipasa, because I’ve already committed it to be sent yesterday but wasn’t able to. Kaninang umaga, I committed again to send it before 10am, pero ayun, 2pm ko na kinaya! Hayst, nakakahiya. ๐Ÿ˜”ย I wonder kung anong dadatnan ko sa Monday. Stress Fest! Kumusta kaya si sir Raf? Dami kong naiwang urgent tasks, e alam kong fully-loaded rin sya. I’ve tried being a one-man team for a time, and it’s the worst. Sorry talaga. Pero in fairness naman sa team ko, wala silang pinaparamdam sakin na pressure. Like, “kami na muna bahala.” Thank you, sir Mike & Raf.

On the other hand, di ko ginusto mapilayan at this crucial point. It kinda feels unfair na nahihirapan kami nang ganito. Bakit kasi ayaw magdagdag ng tao? Nabubulunan na kami e. Kasalanan ba namin to? Maybe partly yes, kasi responsibility rin namin na di paabutin sa ganitong point, but God knows I try to work hard every single day. Samantalang yung ibang officemate namin, keribels lang ang workload tapos same sahod pa din naman, minsan nga mas malaki pa yung sa kanila. Well, ganito nga siguro yung sinasabi ng iba sa corporate world. Hopefully, I’ll be in a way better situation than this.

I tried to express my guilt to friends and family na napilayan ako at this time na tambak ang workloads and deadlines, and that I prefer to still work at home. They gave me what I wanted to hear – I deserve to rest. They told me na wag ako magpakaalipin, and that the company won’t save me in the end. Sabi nga ni papa, “kahit bumagsak pa yang DMCI, kesa naman ikaw yung bumagsak.” That’s exaggeration but we know what he mean.

Before I end this, quick share lang on my check-up. Gusto kong i-bash yung duktor pero baka ma-Yeng Constantino ako. Tho I don’t really know her issue and haven’t seen her video, nadadaanan ko lang comments ng mga tao sa soc med. Anyways, di ko na lang sasabihin kung saan, pero wtf yung consultation, wala pang 3 minutes. Ni di ako tinanong kung san masakit o gano kasakit. When I showed her my leg, she just told me na maga. In my head, I know na di naman maga e. O baka di lang talaga ako bilib, kasi she was pointing on a certain part of my knee na maga daw, but I know na di naman dun yung tama e, alam ko kung san part ako nasaktan. Kairita din na sira daw yung x-ray machine nila and instructed me to go somewhere else instead. Eh bakit kasi di nila sinabi kaagad para dun na lang ako dumerecho (mag-isa nga lang pala ako pumunta dun, fyi). Niresetahan nya lang ako ng mga gamot, but it won’t help the healing raw. Para lang raw sa maga at kirot. Fuck, I could’ve just Googled that myself (charot). So yun na yun? P500 na yun?

Sungit ko noh. Tangena, Titos of Manila reprezent. Anyways, Happy Cinemalaya 2019 bukas! I’m so excited to see the films!!! Bye.

July 13, 2019 Thought Dump (work stress, papa’s home)

Hi future self,

I just want to mention here that office work lately was extra challenging, especially that my senior & junior were on a Leadership seminar in Tagaytay since last Thursday. I was the only one left in the team to respond on concerns mostly of budget team ๐Ÿ˜ฉ. They really get into my nerves sometimes. I’ve mentioned in my private write-up that I was recently caught off guard on a blame game with them, and I was thinking how I’ll immediately bounce back the next day. Thankfully, I somehow did as I tried my best to resolve their seemingly endless concerns ๐Ÿ˜ฉ, without any intimidation from what happened. It really helped my peace of mind that I’ve justified and cleared my circumstance here. I’m glad that Zara, Guia and Jessa from budget team still treat me with high regards.

My whole day could be consumed just by attending on their concerns, which are mostly data and drawing conflicts. Isn’t it unfair that the burden of catching deadlines and resolving inconsistent overdue drawings are now on me? When the previous ones who have worked on these with lesser pressure probably had the same salary as what I’m having now. Well, it be like that sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

I couldn’t blame these girls for doing their job unrelentingly but I also have other things to do and time constraints of my own. I have to work on how I’ll balance my time and set my priorities more critically, because it feels unfair that my tasks were being sacrificed just to get theirs done. I have to learn how sir Mike and Raf do it, or even better. I noticed that they try to answer queries right away without spending too much unnecessary time. I know I try, but usually ends up saying “I’ll get back to you on that.” I just can’t figure it out quick enough. Their years of experience surely helped them and I hope that one day I’ll learn and grow on this too.

Papa also arrived home this Friday and we had a family dinner at Guevarra’s (surely becoming our favorite, except that it’s too far for them). I wasn’t able to get home early because like what I mentioned, I’ve been too busy at work (nag-half day ako pero 3pm na ako nakasibat). Moreover, I had to spend my whole day today for ot, yet I’m still not done with the report for Monday (I chose to write this blog first). I was considering if I have to spend half of my Sunday for ot again, but maybe that’s too much. I’ll just finish it here at home, along with my laundry.

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I remember seeing papa in the pic Lia sent on Messenger when they got home from the airport. He looks depressingly old with his haircut emphasizing his forehead and sun-burned skin. Tangina, ang hirap talaga mag-english blog, kaya ko sana to tapusin within just an hour. So ang point ko lang, time had really passed by. I’ve never seen him this old, samantalang umuuwi naman sya twice a year. Lolo na talaga si papa, retirement age na, and I’m now at the peak of mine, supposedly already doing something great. As of now, sakto lang naman, though I’m eyeing to go abroad soon to officially start my independent life. I don’t know how easy I’ll get there, feeling ko madali lang (sana nga), kaya di ko pa inaasikaso. I’m looking forward on meeting new amazing people, start new relationships and just live the free life I’ve always wanted.

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Ngayon, I’m enjoying myself alone. Nanghihinayang sa relationship na nawala, pero nawala nga ba talaga? I don’t know, para sakin nagbago lang, but it’s still the same special thing we have & made kahit pagbalik-baliktarin pa ang mundo. Maybe I’m just saying this now, pero kung nasan ka man ngayon or kung sino man kasama mo…nandito lang ako.

Just a pic of my dinner last night (ang oily ng fries) after a whole day ot, nagpa-massage rin ako before this. Hehe.

My Top 10 Picks at Art Fair PH 2019

I’m glad we were able to sneak a visit at the annual Art Fair PH held last Feb. 22-24 (salamat sa long weekend!) and also pleased that I could write something about it. I originally wanted this to be an insight for people who are yet to go there as I started writing this on the night of Feb. 23, pero dahil nawala at di na-autosave yung pinaghirapan kong draft, tinamad na ako. After few days though, nanghinayang rin ako at naisip na tapusin to. Right now, I’m trying to recall everything I lost.

This is just my impression on this year’s event, konting factual information na lang kasi marami na nun sa internet. The regular entrance ticket for adults costed P350 which was sulit naman, para ka lang nga nanuod ng movie, up to sawa pa. Once a year lang naman sya so you better grab the chance especially if you’re an art fan. It’s also a way of supporting the artists.

Dalawa lang kami ni Gene that day, his 1st and my 2nd (last was on 2017). I’m not sure pero parang mas konti yung artworks ngayon? O baka overwhelmed lang ako kasi 1st time ko nun saka mag-isa lang ako pumunta dati. Supposedly apat kami ngayon, pero di committed sa usapan yung mga niyaya ko kaya mejo bummed ako. May pa-gimik pa naman ako na pipili kaming lahat ng kanya-kanyang Top 10 artworks then we’ll explain why we chose each one of them. Pero ngayon ako na lang gagawa nun, dahil wala lang, trip ko lang. Kaso di namin natapos yung kalahati ng isang floor. Pinatayan na kami ng ilaw. 9 pm na pala yun, though marami pa ding tao sa loob nun. Totoo talaga yung aabutin ka ng kalahating araw to view all the artworks, ang dami kasi, kaya kakapusin ka ng oras kung pupunta ka ng 6 pm tulad namin. Mas maganda talaga pumunta sa umaga or early afternoon, mas konti tao. I also suggest you bring your own refreshments kasi nakakapagod rin, tapos ang mahal ng mga tinda dun. Pero kung keri mo, geh lang. Just be careful not to ruin the artworks by consuming it on designated areas. Sarap rin siguro magdala dun ng wine and cheese, pero pasimple lang kasi bawal magpasok ng malaking bag sa loob.

Sorry, walwal yung pics and they don’t give justice to the actual beauty of the artworks. Ayoko na din mag-edit, let’s get it straight from the cam. But before I show you my top picks, I assume you have to know my art preference first. Di naman ako ganun ka-credible so you don’t really have to take my words. I’m just looking for artworks that I’ll be able to relate to, thus, making this subjective. Minsan ayoko ng artworks na masyadong technical, yung masyadong perfect. Alam nyo yun? Ewan ko, baka naiinggit lang ako kasi di ko kaya yun.

I like it when an artist is capable of creating the strangest thing ever yet it feels familiar. I’m all into dark humor, irony, duality and the bizarre. Those are my jam.

Let’s begin:

10. “Utsurofune” by Ka Ho NG (black clay, oxidation firing, synchronous motor)

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The architect in me is simply pleased by this one. Sarap i-display sa kwarto or sa sarili mong office. I love the unfinished edges, like suggesting it broke off from something extra-terrestrial. It reminds me of Jean Nouvel’s Louvre Abu Dhabi dome a little bit. Tapos umiikot pa sya (see video), like it’s controlled by an electro-magnetic alien shit. Ganda din ng kulay, is it silver? Is it gold? Can’t really tell. And that moon-like shadow? Amazing.

9. Step on the Sand and Make Footprints by Ray Albano (white sand)

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I didn’t know what to expect on this one. I guess sa exit kami pumasok ng room na to kaya wala ako nakitang title or description, and I wasn’t paying attention to the ground that’s why the sand surprised me. Sobrang simple lang, white sand in a white room and it’s designed for people to pass through. Natalinuhan lang kami ni Gene sa concept. A human’s unconscious material manipulation through footprints. The people are the ones who made the artwork without them realizing it at first. I just admire how the artist played that.

8. Angoona by Chamnan Chongpaiboon (acrylic on canvas)

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Ugh, I just love the charisma of this one throughout the room. Triggers an asian trypophobia up to the bits. I just wanna take it home! Feel the tingling sensation by looking at her face upclose. Lalo na sa personal.

7. Poison by Akiko Nakaya (FRP, waterpaint)

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I love everything about this sculpture! The anatomy, the facial expression – priceless! (also, that’s literally me after 20 burpees). Check Akiko Nakaya’s Instagram for more! New idol ko to!

6. Northwind II by Isabel and Alfredo Aquilizan (screen print and flocking on paper)

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Napansin ko lang, ang hilig ko pala sa mga ganito. Another one that gives a tingling sensation! Ugh! Saraaap! Hahaha! I like how subtle and harmless it looks from a far, makes you curious, as if it’s luring you towards it like a prey, and then it’ll bite.

5. Underlying Fighting Spirit (Marerudo) by Chikako Motoyama (acrylic & oil on canvas)

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Juxtaposition at its best.

4. Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso by Ian Fabro

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Ito yung unang may pa-room na nagustuhan ko. Galing ng set-up – lighting and sounds, not to mention the skills for creating those images. If I’m not mistaken, that’s charcoal. How I wish I could feel this exhibition alone by standing between those 3 panels, pero siguro matatakot ako.

3. Alter-Bibo by Tekla Tamoria

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Di ko sure kung tama pagkaintindi ko, but I think you wear this alter-bibo for a performance art of losing oneself, or acting like this free entity that is not you, nor anyone else, as it stated that “selfhood was never a concrete entity.” Ang galing lang how they created, presented and realized this unknown, bizarre object. May videos, pictures, written description and most importantly, yung mismong alter-bibo.

2. Deeper Silence by Sid Natividad

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Sobrang galing nito. Paintings lang lahat, pero buhay na buhay! May pa-room rin sya, creating this peaceful, muted, underwater environment.

1. Finding the Light by Daniel dela Cruz

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I put this on number 1 because nothing beats art with a purpose. Ang heavy ng message nito, ang gaganda pa ng sculptures. It’s about bullying, depression and other modern day dilemmas we face today. Tapos may pa-sticky notes sa dulo para magdamayan at magmahalan. Charot

Special Mentions:

Cheap Medicine by Oscar Villamiel

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This one didn’t make the cut for me, kasi feeling namin may kulang, though maganda sana yung concept. Special mention lang kasi ang ganda sa pics, sayang naman kung di ko ipapakita. Joke!

My Little Museum by Norman Dreo

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Huling special mention lang kasi jusko, nagpapakahirap si kuya! Hahaha! Naabutan namin syang gumagawa pa, 2nd day na ng exhibition! Kumusta naman kasi yung maliliit na classical paintings! Tapos nakikita nyo yung parang kisame guys? Flat wall yan, flat wall! Pinerspective nya lang yung classical paintings! Tangena diba! Hahaha! I can’t even make a straight one! Idol kita kuya, ang galing mo! Di ko lang gets yung goal. Charot

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