Ligalig na naman si acoe

November 27, 2017

Kanina pa ako gising, around 3am. My mind is hyper again simula pa kanina to the point of not being able to do what I need to do, especially studying. Kung anu-ano na naman pinaggagagawa ko. Sure there are, and will be times like these pero di pwedeng always out of hand. So here I am, sitting at our dining area, drinking a cup of Energen (gutom na kasi ako), trying to understand myself, trying to be calm and in control.

Hanggang hapon ok pa naman ako sa pag-aaral, though pilit and anxious na. Pagkaalis nila mama & Lia (family outing), medyo nagwalwal na ako. Started makipagkulitan sa messenger, watched random YouTube videos. I know I have to stay away from such distractions but I found myself desperately looking for fun. Hanggang sa tuluyan nang nawala sa focus. Di na nakabalik.

I did some errands before having dinner (bumili ng bigas at chicken feeds). Wala lang nabanggit ko lang. Excited ako mag-dinner nun kasi gusto kong mag-plating. Art and shit, tapos ise-send ko sa friends ko on messenger.

Joke lang yang mga serving na yan. Parang 5x yung kinain ko. Stress eating, masuka-suka ako after. Tapos di pa daw ako nakuntento, naisipan ko pa daw mag-pic sa banyo habang naliligo (naaaliw ako sa daw).

Tapos nanuod ulit ako ng videos and started to feel guilty, sad and tired for all the wasted time. I decided to take a long nap at 11:30pm-12:30am, because I know if nothing’s going well, just fucking sleep. Sa sofa lang ako humiga para di mahirapan magising. But I ended up waking up at 3am pa din. Ang creepy lang, kasi eksaktong 3am, like what’s up ghosts? Pero inaantok pa din ako. So I decided to go to my room at ituloy na lang ang pagtulog.

Unfortunately, YouTube prevailed again despite my sleepiness, hanggang 5:30am. Found myself enjoying Kris Aquino’s channel. I just stopped, stared at the ceiling and sighed, “Dafuq am I doing?” which ended me up here sitting at the dining area.

So…what’s the problem? (Evaluation time!):

a. YouTube is definitely a distraction for me. Set specific times only when I could browse and watch. 2-3 videos should be enough, and smartly choose the informative ones para di ako naha-hype on not so important stuff.

b. Just stick to your plan! Stop worrying! You didn’t make one for nothing! Focus what’s on your plate!

c. Sleep/close your eyes when you feel nothing’s going right or you’re not in the mood. Listen to a soothing music.

I think that’s about enough. Exactly 1 hour of writing (the usual). Pero manunuod ako ng Miss Universe 2018 mamayang 8am. Minsan lang naman mga ma’am/sir. Will force myself reading a book on breaks. Bye and good morning! Inaantok pa ako!