July 13, 2019 Thought Dump (work stress, papa’s home)

Hi future self,

I just want to mention here that office work lately was extra challenging, especially that my senior & junior were on a Leadership seminar in Tagaytay since last Thursday. I was the only one left in the team to respond on concerns mostly of budget team 😩. They really get into my nerves sometimes. I’ve mentioned in my private write-up that I was recently caught off guard on a blame game with them, and I was thinking how I’ll immediately bounce back the next day. Thankfully, I somehow did as I tried my best to resolve their seemingly endless concerns 😩, without any intimidation from what happened. It really helped my peace of mind that I’ve justified and cleared my circumstance here. I’m glad that Zara, Guia and Jessa from budget team still treat me with high regards.

My whole day could be consumed just by attending on their concerns, which are mostly data and drawing conflicts. Isn’t it unfair that the burden of catching deadlines and resolving inconsistent overdue drawings are now on me? When the previous ones who have worked on these with lesser pressure probably had the same salary as what I’m having now. Well, it be like that sometimes. 😩

I couldn’t blame these girls for doing their job unrelentingly but I also have other things to do and time constraints of my own. I have to work on how I’ll balance my time and set my priorities more critically, because it feels unfair that my tasks were being sacrificed just to get theirs done. I have to learn how sir Mike and Raf do it, or even better. I noticed that they try to answer queries right away without spending too much unnecessary time. I know I try, but usually ends up saying “I’ll get back to you on that.” I just can’t figure it out quick enough. Their years of experience surely helped them and I hope that one day I’ll learn and grow on this too.

Papa also arrived home this Friday and we had a family dinner at Guevarra’s (surely becoming our favorite, except that it’s too far for them). I wasn’t able to get home early because like what I mentioned, I’ve been too busy at work (nag-half day ako pero 3pm na ako nakasibat). Moreover, I had to spend my whole day today for ot, yet I’m still not done with the report for Monday (I chose to write this blog first). I was considering if I have to spend half of my Sunday for ot again, but maybe that’s too much. I’ll just finish it here at home, along with my laundry.

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I remember seeing papa in the pic Lia sent on Messenger when they got home from the airport. He looks depressingly old with his haircut emphasizing his forehead and sun-burned skin. Tangina, ang hirap talaga mag-english blog, kaya ko sana to tapusin within just an hour. So ang point ko lang, time had really passed by. I’ve never seen him this old, samantalang umuuwi naman sya twice a year. Lolo na talaga si papa, retirement age na, and I’m now at the peak of mine, supposedly already doing something great. As of now, sakto lang naman, though I’m eyeing to go abroad soon to officially start my independent life. I don’t know how easy I’ll get there, feeling ko madali lang (sana nga), kaya di ko pa inaasikaso. I’m looking forward on meeting new amazing people, start new relationships and just live the free life I’ve always wanted.

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Ngayon, I’m enjoying myself alone. Nanghihinayang sa relationship na nawala, pero nawala nga ba talaga? I don’t know, para sakin nagbago lang, but it’s still the same special thing we have & made kahit pagbalik-baliktarin pa ang mundo. Maybe I’m just saying this now, pero kung nasan ka man ngayon or kung sino man kasama mo…nandito lang ako.

Just a pic of my dinner last night (ang oily ng fries) after a whole day ot, nagpa-massage rin ako before this. Hehe.

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